In this section, you’ll find a little of humor to gladden your day. This section is updated monthly.
1.- -Do you have Wi.Fi? -Yes -What is the key? -To have money and pay
2.- -Hey, what is your favorite dish and why? -The deep one, because more food fits.
3.- -Dad, what is further, Córdoba or the moon? -Let’s see, ¿do you see Córdoba from here?
4.- The computer wins me playing chess, but I win it boxing.
5.- -What is the favorite car of a photographer? The Ford Focus.
6.- I’ve told you 10 billion times not to exaggerate
7.- -I don’t get along with the stew -Don’t talk to him
8.- -I would like to live in a lonely island- Me too -Well, we started to fill up it
9.- -¡Fast we need blood! -I am 0 positive -Very bad, here we come to cheer up
10.- -How much cost to rent a car? -It depends of the time -Let’s suppose it’s raining
11.- A man is in the funeral of his mother-in-law, after finishing it he says: -Dear mother-in-law you were like a mother for me, after that a bird defecates over him from the sky and he says: -So, Did you arrive now to the sky, damn woman?
12.- -Sweetheart, have you seen the book: How to live 100 years, -Yes I threw it to the trash can because your mother was reading it
13.- The mother-in-law from the coffin: -¡Daughter take me out from here I’m not dead» and the son-in-law answers: -Shut up, Do you think you know more than the doctor?
14.- -If you had a moustache you would be exactly like my mother-in-law, -But I don’t wear a moustache, -Yes, but she does.
15.- -The day I die I would like to buried in the sea, -Why?, -Because my mother-in-law said that when I die she would dance over my grave.
16.- Two friends found themselves in the street, and one told to the other, -What happened to you that you are so white? The friend answered: -The doctor told me to stop to drink, to smoke and to have sex, -And what are you going to do? The friend answers: -To find another doctor.
17.- -Doctor one blind man wants to see you, -Tell him that I don’t make miracles.
18.- -Doctor I have a problem, nobody pays attention to me, -Next patient please.
19.- A mother asked to this son: -How was the exam of Mathematics, -I will get a result like the people of the North Pole, -How is it?, -Zero and less.
20.- A teacher asks: -What do I have to do to give 11 potatoes to 7 people? The kid answers: -Mashed potatoes.
21.- A vampire with his mouth full of blood asks to another vampire, -Where did you get this tasty blood, -Do you see that wall in front of us, -Yes, -Well, I didn’t see it.
22.- Dracula gets into the supermarket, -Could you give me two croissants please?, -But, aren’t you Dracula?, -Yes, -But, Isn’t it truth that you just drink blood?, -Of course sir, in the street an accident has occured and I would like to eat a stuffed croissant.
23.- A little girl gets into a haunted house and a ghost screams: -Boooo, I give a lot of fear, and the girl answers: -No thanks, I have enough fear.
24.- A boy walks in the street and suddenly one of his friends appears and he asks: -Hi! How it is going?, -Uff, I’ve been in the doors of the death, -But, how is that? what happened?, -I’m coming from the cementery.
25.- In a Halloween night a boy asks to his father: -Dad, are there ghosts in this house?, -No son, who said it to you?, -The chef, -Take all your stuff, we’re living this house, -Why dad?, -Because in this house we don’t have a chef.
26.- -Good morning, I’d like to rent «Batman Forever» -Is not possible you have to return it tomorrow.
27.- -Waiter, this fillet has a lot of nerves -It’s normal is the first time that someone eats him.
28.- -Why the book of Mathematics committed suicide? -Because he had lots of problems.
29.- What is the name of the vegan cousin of Bruce Lee? -Brocco Lee.
30.- Why the printer suffered a heart attack? -It looks that he had a strong impression.
31.- The curtain opens and a bald appears combing himself, then the curtain closes and opens again and the bald is still combing himself, what is the name of the movie? Mission impossible.
32.- The professor asks to a kid How much is 2×2?, the kid answers a tie, and the the teacher answers and 2×1? An offer!
33.- The teacher answers to a kid, why was Christopher Columbus famous? The kid answers that because of the memory, For the memory? the teacher asks, the kid says: -Yes, because always it says «In memory of Christopher Columbus»
34.- -Dad, would you nag a kid who hasn’t made anything?, -Of course no, the father answered, -Uff, what a relief because I haven’t made the duties.
35.- A cat says in a celing -Miau Miau, then another cat appears and says -Wow, wow, The cat asks: -Why you say Wow if you are a cat, the dog answers: -Can’t anyone learn new languajes?
36.- Why the lions eat raw meat? Because they didn’t learn to cook
37.- A hedgehog is walking in the dessert and watch a cactus and says: Mama!
38.- Two animals are talking and one says to the other: I am a dog-wolf, because my father was a dog and my mother a wolf, and you?, the other animal answers: I am an ant-bear, -Oh my god! said the other animal.
39.- There was a horse so vague but so vague that when someone put him a saddle he sit on it.
40.- What is the height of a sheperd? To sleep counting sheeps.
41.- What is the height of a meteorologist? To don’t have time for anything.
42.- What is the height of a pharmacy? To have to sell it because there’s no remedy.
43.- What is the height of a chef? That his mother becomes angry and gives him a cookie.
44.- What is the height of a photographer? That his daughter reveals.
45.- What is the height of a worker bee? To be allergic to the pollen.
46.- -Hey, could you make me a photo with your cell phone?, -I don’t have memory, -Erase some photos, -Why?, -To make my photo, -What photo?
47.- -Waiter, do you know how many time I’ve asked to you to charge me? -I’m sorry I’ve lost the account
48.- -Kids don’t play with the fire, -And the fire stayed without friends.
49.- -Excuse me do you have pills for the weakness? -Yes -And could you put it to me in the mouth please?
50.- Hey what’s going on to you? -I’m worried my son have told me that when he grows up he wants to become a sky diver, -The one who always forget the schoolbag in the school?, -Yes, him.
51.- The doctor goes out from a childbirth and the father of the child asks: Doctor, was everything all right? and the doctor answers: Everything was all right but we had to put oxygen to the baby, the father scared says: but doctor we wanted to name the baby Gabriel.
52.- The teacher says to the student after reviewing his homework: your work has moved me, the student very surprised asks: Why teacher?, the teacher with face of derision says: because it gave too much pain to me.
53.- The kid says to his mother: Mom, I don’t want to play with Pedro any more, the mom asks: Why you don’t want to play with him? because when we play with the sticks of wood and I hit his head with one suddenly he starts to cry.
54.- One friend says to another: How is your life as a married woman?, Well, I can’t complain answers, So it is going well, right?, -No I can’t complain because my husband is next to me.
55.- A group of people is making the census of the city, and they arrived to a house called «Paradise», They knock the door and a man appears and they say: Sir, good morning what is your name? -My name is Adam, -Mr. Adam ¿what is the name of your wife?, -The name of my wife is Eve, and answers:-Mmm let’s see, And the serpent also lives here, -No my friend of course not, the mother-in-law was exiled from this paradise a long time ago.
56.- A very happy man asks to his wife: Sweetheart what are you going to give me in my birthday?, She answers: Look, Do you see that car in the corner? The man very excited says: Oh my god! Are you really going to buy me that car? She very surprised says: Of course not! I’m going to give you an iron of that same color.
57.- Mom, where do we come from? The mother answers: Son, we come from Adam and Eve. The child replies: Mom! in the school they say that we come from the monkey. The mom answers: Son, one thing is your father’s family and other thing is the mine.
58.- -What is your occupation?, they asked to a man in an employment agency. The man answers: to kill dragons. And very surprised they answers: but the dragons don’t exist!. The man answers: Have you ever seen one?, The interviewer immediately answers: no sir, of course not. And the man, very proud, replies: That is because I killed all of them.
59.- Mom, did you know that Joan of Arc was a junkie?, The mom watches him and says: What do you say? That’s not true. Yes mom, in the book it says that she died because of heroine.
60.- A woman says to her husband: John you are obsessed with football, and the truth is that I need you. He very angry answers: That’s not true, I haven’t even touched you! Let’s review the VAR.
61.- A rabbit says to a turtle in a party: -Turtle, there is no wine already, take this money and go to buy. The turtle goes and returns in one year and says to the rabbit: How do you want it, white or red?
62.- In a discotheque a man goes to a table and says to one of the ladies: Would you like to dance? The lady answers to the gentleman, and who is going to take my friend to dance?, -Don’t worry says the man, Security, take this woman out of here!.
63.- A woman says to her husband: Sweetheart, do you like my costume? Yes, dear, answers the man, is a costume of cow very nice. But my costume is of a dalmatian!.
64.- A father says to his son: What beautiful looks the tatoo of the devil in your arm, the guy worried answers: Why do you say that? It’s my girlfriend’s face.
65.- A woman says to her husband in a clothes store: Sweetheart give me the baby, -No, better let him cry, he answers. She turns up alarmed and says: but why he has to cry? and he answers: Because I don’t know where I left him.
66.- Who are the most witty? The balds because they don’t have a hair of silly.
67.- What is the height of a broom? To have an allergy to the dust.
68.- I looked for books for the fatigue and they were spent.
69.- Why the golf players wear two pants? Because they are worried that they could have a hole in one.
70.- My brother rides a bike since he was 6 years old? Hasn’t he gone down from the bike yet?
71.- Two antennas got married, the ceremony was so bored, but the reception was great.
72.- It was a joke so bad so bad… the he laughed of the smaller jokes.
73.- What is the height of a gardener? That he gets planted.
74.- To finish the interview, which ones are your favorite hobbies? Frodo, Bilbo, Sam
75.- Boss: I know that the salary don’t gives you to get married, but trust me, someday you will thank me.
76.- My sweet friday, since the monday I am missing you.
77.- I am so good worker that I need holidays of 6 months twice a year.
78.- I want to celebrate the fridays but then I remember that I work on Saturdays too.
79.- There’s nothing so beautiful than to wake up thinking it’s Thursday but it’s Friday.
80.- The work is sacred, don’t touch it or mention it.